John wrote:

My wife wrote this book. You should buy it so I can put shoes on my children.

Okay, no. He actually wrote:

If you want to read about a missing master-wizard, a virgin sorceress of unaging
beauty, an ethereal spirit who yearns for freedom, a gumshoe in a trench coat
whose trusty lead pipe is how he deals with ‘perps’, unicorn hunters in their
chameleon cloaks, an occult séance gone bad, a kleptomaniacal teleporter, blind
hypnotist, a modern-day Circe, a Tom O’Bedlam who knows more than he will tell,
a door into Dante’s dark Inferno, an angelic lover who lost his wings, a demon
hunter who lost his youth, the hunting hounds of hell, enchantments, ambushes,
escapes, fights, flights, riddles, intrigues, monsters, not to mention the
sinister Three Shadowed Ones, and a Feast at the house of Father Christmas,  all
told with refreshing zest and humor in a tale that never pauses for breath, then
this is the story for you.  You hold in your hand a book of wonders.